A Clean Break of It

When asked how I broke my arm, I’d feel better if I had an interesting story to tell, like I was climbing Half Dome at Yosemite or trekking in the Himalayas, but that wasn’t the case. It happened on our back patio. The sprinklers had turned on and the sprayer head in the hanging pot next to me was gushing everywhere. I turned and reached for the pot and my feet slipped out from under me just like one of those “banana peel” slips. My hand smacked the pavement and the pain was immediate. It looked broken and distorted. My husband Sam happened to be right there with me, so he got me in the car and whisked me to ER along with our neighbor Lila.

When in that much pain, time is an eternity! It felt like forever before they took my name and insurance info and got me to a room. And then it took another eternity to get pain medication. Believe me, I was asking, no, pleading for pain meds. At first I thought I should just suck it up and be stoic about the whole thing. But I’ve had too much therapy and used the Loving Communication principles too long to start stuffing my emotions now. So I decided I could cry all I wanted, and believe you me I did. I really don’t think the staff was happy about it. Oh, well.

The doctor told me they were going to have to “reduce” it, which sounded weird, but meant they were going to have to straighten it out. Yikes! I made sure I would be “knocked out” for the event, and I was. Sam insisted on being in the room, but half of the six or so people helping out told him to leave. “Look, I’ve played rugby and refereed rugby for over 30 years. There is nothing I haven’t seen and I’m not squeamish.” So he stayed. I was glad because he has always been my protector.

A week later I saw Dr Caufal (Sue-fal), and he said my choices were a cast for 3 months or a plate, a couple screws and I’d be back to my life sooner. I opted for the later and had surgery the following week. I have never had surgery before and the whole process of going to the hospital, hanging out in pre-op and then getting a nerve block in my shoulder was scary and intense. I’m just not good with this physical plane stuff. The procedure went well and I was sent home an hour and a half after surgery. The cast came off after 10 days and I am working at getting the use of my arm and hand back with stretches and exercises.

There were days were I just laid on the sofa in pain, taking pain medication and watching TV. I’m embarrassed to say I started watching Bridzellas. Somehow the drama on the show took me out of my world. For those of you who know me well, I thrive in warm weather and don’t like the cold. I was watching the summer float by without being able to garden, go to yoga, or quilt, and it was very depressing. That’s the basic physical plane story.

In the meantime, I was plagued with “Why did this happen?” I meditate, I grid, I pray. What the hell is going on?!” I don’t know whether it was shock, pain or pain meds, but my mind was coming up with all kinds of theories. “Maybe the fairies are mad at me for some reason.” The best advice came from my friend Kevin. He is always wise and very funny.

“Holly, don’t listen to your mind right now. It’s not your friend.” I really needed to hear that! It calmed me down quite a bit, plus it gave me a good chuckle.

I believe we all have animal totems, and the strongest totem for me is the hawk. Whenever I see a hawk, I feel peaceful inside and know life is OK. I also feel protected. Well, enter my totem. The day after my fall, I looked out the kitchen window towards the backyard, and there sitting on our swing was a hawk. It looked so strange. I was really floored! OMG, what does that mean?

About ten days later, my friend Linda called and wanted to read a passage about hawks from a book entitled Animal Speak by Ted Andrews. At the moment she started reading, I looked out the kitchen window and saw familiar brown and white wings flutter by. I ran to look, and there on the backyard lawn was a hawk standing on the grass. Hawks just don’t do that kind of thing. I have never seen anything like this in our backyard, even though we have lots of other birds that come to the feeders. Well, if that wasn’t a sign, I guess nothing is!

The third visit came a week or so later when my friend Troy and I were sitting on the swing, and the hawk flew down in the lower branches, sat for a few moments and then took off. It’s the classic “Three Time Rule.” (If it happens three times, pay attention, spirit is talking.) I knew spirit was afoot, and if I could just stop stressing I would understand what this was all about.

In between the fall and surgery, I had the great fortune of having a healing session with Bernie. She is a practitioner of BodyTalk and a true healer. I needed to prepare for surgery by releasing the shock and trauma of the fall, and she graciously came to my home and gave me a session. She is such a kind and thoughtful person, and one who is totally committed to serving others as a healer. My cup of tea!

I laid quietly while she “talked” to my body, and she had some insights that brought me full circle to a dream I had about my dad earlier this year.

She said, “Your bone is telling me it is connected to your father’s mother’s mother’s lineage. And the bone is also saying, ‘I have a greater destiny.’”

Her words stunned me. I had a powerful dream earlier in the year that let me know my father is winding down his time on earth and to prepare myself for his leaving. After the dream I planned a trip to visit him in Oregon because I hadn’t seen him in a while.

My father lives in his mother’s house, and the house has many items from his mother and father, and grandmother. The entire house is almost entirely furnished with his mother’s furniture. He can’t let go of anything, literally. He has every geology book he’s ever read for the past 60 years in the garage. He feels very uncomfortable just moving things from one room to another. The energy at the house feels stuck. There is a lot of old emotional energy as well.

Not only is there a lot of stuff, it is also packed with ghosts, ancestor energy, old thoughtforms and old dysfunctional energy from the lineage. You could call it ‘energetic hoarding.’ There are two large bedrooms upstairs, and at night when I go to bed I say goodnight to the ghosts in the first bedroom, close the door, then place a golden grid of protection around myself when I go to the other room. This is the only way I can sleep with all the ‘noise’ of the energy and spirits.

It hit me what was going to happen when he crosses over. He is the current lineage holder and when he goes, all of the unresolved lineage energy will come to my sister or myself, or both. Cleaning out the house from all the stuff isn’t a problem; the left over energy dump is. All I could think of was, ‘Hell no, I don’t want to take this on. I have work to do on the planet.’

For almost 30 years as a channel, I have seen the impact on a surviving child when a parent dies. The energy of one generation gets passed to the sibling that is closest to the parent. When that happens, they start acting like the parent or develop similar mannerisms. I felt overwhelmed at what my sister and I were going to have to deal with in the future.

And this brings me back to Bernie. Her words lit up my mind. Sometimes to make a break from something we don’t want, it manifests as a physical experience. Bones represent our history and ancestors. If I do have a different destiny and this was about the lineage, it makes sense to me why I would have to break away from the energy of it to continue my path. A Tibetan doctor I am also seeing said that when energy builds up and we break a bone, it’s because we are releasing an obstacle. I don’t have all the answers right now, but I believe this does have something to do with my dad. There is more to this story and it has to do with our land and putting up a retaining wall and fence, but that will be for next time.